hey jules!
i have a big fat ass crush on my coworker and don’t know what to do about it!! it’s been building up for months should i spill the beans or keep it to myself?
– a comrade in love
a comrade! in love!
full disclosure i’m on vacation and thus have Vacation Brain, so apologies if this is all over the place! i love you!!
ya gotta love a work crush! they’re so heightened, sexy, and taboo, perhaps?? it’s very up in the air, i think.
for transparency's sake i must admit: marcos and i are the result of a work crush gone best case scenario. it can happen! my situation could have gone south very easily, but i was absolutely certain that he felt the same way back. work crushes can be beautiful, secretive, and lustful, but i’ve seen them go very sour.
i’m almost always going to say go for it, but i’d say stay vigilant and stay cautious. leave breadcrumbs for them! are they biting? do y’all hang out outside of work? work crushes are sexy when you're on the clock, but sometimes the allure fades when you’re off the job. the work rose colored glasses have to come off at some point. spend some time together, don't talk about work, and see how you feel! if it’s the vibe i’d say go ahead and spill your guts, but do so tactfully! not so much of a “no worries if not” but more of a “you pickin’ up what i’m puttin’ down?” does this make sense? i think being a teensy bit aloof in your pursuit is your best bet. leave room for interpretation in the beginning, see how they react, and dial up or down accordingly.
suffice it to say, it’s best to be certain the feelings are reciprocated before making any moves. what’s your work dynamic like? where do you work? if you work in a close capacity? if you work in an office where you see each other all the time, and closely, if it doesn't go well you're going to be uncomfortable. if you work in a place like a restaurant or a bookstore (lol) i say go for it because it’ll add to the mess in a way that is low steaks and will inevitably pass! the workplace energy, unfortunately or fortunately, is going to be a contributing factor. the more casual the place the more casual the result will be if it's a positive or negative result! hopefully you work somewhere dope and cool, but if not i wouldn't say don't go for it, just be cautious!
you also have to remember that other people will likely catch on if you both go for it. in the beginning, i cannot stress this enough: don't run your mouth about it. if you can keep it to yourself i say do that, but if you've gotta tell a few work besties keep it to about three people max. the whole “what other people think doesn't matter” mindset applies here, but in the workplace it’s lessened. depending on where you work you'll have to keep it a secret, disclose it to HR, or maybe even be switched around. not sexy. also, consider your work relationship. is there a power imbalance? are you willing to move or possibly quit for it to work? love is worth it, i think, but if you value your job it’s worth a second thought.
it doesn't feel good to think about, but there’s always the chance of it not being mutual. you’ve still got to work with them. if they're cool enough to look past it, awesome! if they're the type who will likely be a bit weird about it, prepare yourself. if you both decide to go for it i’d say you should come to some terms and conditions. “how are we going to act when we’re working?” and “this is dope and all, but if one of us changes our mind how does that change our workplace dynamic?” it's not a sexy conversation, but it’s best to cross your t’s and dot your i’s before venturing into something that has the possibility to be messy!
in summary: consider the circumstances, cover your ass, but follow your heart! you don't want to look back and think “what if”, so i say go for it. hopefully you still have a crush on them if/when you hang out outside of work and you strike up something beautiful and fun! if not, you can always quit and go somewhere else!! best of luck!!!
thanks for trusting me! i love you!
xo
jules
hey jules! is my advice column, remember?
questions are answered in the order in which they are received <3