guys!! the moon is in scorpio and i’m getting vulnerable on main!!!
i’m burnt out, but not entirely. for about a month i have had absolutely no clue what to post once a week that isn’t a hey jules!1. i’m between writing and not writing two books and a screenplay so my brain feels busy, but not in the way that i’m used to it feeling. once upon a time i had all this room to be inspired and crack out something fun pretty quickly, but right now i’m just really tired. i started this substack as a way of holding myself accountable by writing once a week. it didn’t matter if it was funny, touching, inspired, or even good. i wanted an outlet to share whatever was feeling close to me that week. lately, i’ve been struggling with being consistent with myself, and i think i’m being a bit too hard on myself about it.
i don’t want to say that past posts were empty or uninspired, so instead i’ll say that i felt much more ignited when i wrote something tender and closer to me. the other stuff was me trying to flex different muscles, or just to talk some shit. for some odd reason, as of late, i’ve been struggling with writing in a way that feels genuine, or even necessary. why???? i have plenty to talk about! i have plenty to be ooey gooey about! yet somehow, surprisingly, i’ve been unable to depict any of it in my writing. i’ve got posts living in the drafts that feel real to me, but i can’t imagine posting them. it’s all too much! i’ll revisit the nuggets every once in a while, get freaked out a little, then stop. it took me looking over my shoulder to realize that i’ve started believing that the things i write should always be seen. it’s like i’m journaling wanting my journal to think i’m cool. i think i’ve finally realized that i can write something that’s just mine. wow! if i want to share it, dope, but i literally don’t have to. isn’t it cool to know i can work through things and choose to share what i want? isn’t it cool to know that this substack can change as i do, and I don’t need to compete with myself? wow. who woulda thought!
suffice it to say, i feel super fulfilled answering hey jules! questions and still doing my weekly posts. i went through a weird period where i was stretching myself too thin, and i could tell it was affecting my writing. i’m still washing off the residue from that. i don’t need to be hard on myself about it, though!!! right!!!!!!!
it’s super cool that i run a journal/bullshit hub/deep divey/advice column/blog that serves as a time capsule, of sorts, and it isn’t actually measured by anyone. i have nothing to be anxious about. i think i’m too hard on myself. we all know by this point that change is a big thing for me. i don’t like changing, but i also kind of do, and at the end of the day i know i have to no matter how i feel about it. it always comes back to that with me, doesn’t it?
anyways, that’s all. i’m going to keep posting weekly, but i’d like for some of this shit to get a little deeper. or, maybe, you know, not. depends!
new one coming this week <3