mermaids on ocean pollution
i interviewed several mermaids to see how this directly affects them
like many, i’m worried about the planet. i’m worried about the ozone layer, i’m worried about how hot it’s getting outside. i used to work in union square and had to look at that countdown clock every single day and lemme tell ya, we’re running out of time. i’m especially worried about how the ocean is essentially turning into a really big sauna with lots of plastic shit in it. as a floridian, i love the beach. but over the course of my life i’ve watched that bitch become a hot and dirty mess! and not in a good way! we’ve all seen the photos of dolphins with those plastic soda strap things on their noses. we’ve seen the plastic bags on the sea floor floating around like tumbleweeds. we’ve all seen that video of the turtle with the straw in her little nose. but how is this affecting the mermaid community? i took to the streets (sea?) to ask some mermaids how this affects them. below i have a transcriptions available. i initially wanted to record these interviews but couldn’t find a waterproof microphone online.
at rockaway beach i was able to interview shelley, a fourty-six year old mermaid who honestly looked incredible for her age. she was a singing siren, however (love that), so all of her responses were in song.
jules: thank you for agreeing to do this interview, shelley. i really appreciate it.
shelley: ♪ no problem, i’m happy to do it ♪
jules: wonderful! i’m doing a substack post about climate change and ocean pollution and how it affects the ecosystem and those who dwell in it. can you speak, or sing, to your experience as someone so closely impacted by it?
shelley: ♪ sure! i’ve been living around these parts for years and i’ve definitely been able to see the change. there doesn’t seem to be a light at the end of the coral. the water is getting so hot it’s killing the fish before i’m able to get to them, which really takes the fun out of the meal for me. and the fish i do get to kill and eat have all kinds of plastic in them. bottle caps, those colored sticks that have those flashing lights at the bottom, floss sticks, it gets hard to eat around all of it. i’m constantly having to dodge diapers and broken glass while sleeping. the heat makes me exhausted, sometimes unable to swim long distances. overall, it’s not great. ♪
jules: i’m so sorry to hear that. can you speak on your struggles finding and hunting for food? do you find that you’re forced to resort to other sources of food? like kelp, for example? how do you get your protein?
shelley: ♪ i’ve actually been really into eating people lately. it’s easier, tastes better, and really makes me feel like i’m doing my part in eliminating the problem. ♪
jules: thank you so much for your time.
i went underwater at the mouth of the hudson river to interview serena, a well known mermaid activist. i had to use some snorkeling gear and occasionally went up to the surface for air. i was only able to take notes with pen and paper, and that unfortunately got wet and is now impossible to read. however, i distinctly remember her telling me that she has organized clean-ups for the community, but sometimes the fish get too aggressive with it and make a mess of things. she assured me they mean well, but that it slows down the efficacy of the cause. she hopes it will get better with time. she also said that increased boating traffic has caused many new cases of asthma among her neighbors. when i asked her how that works she told me she didn’t feel qualified to speak on different creatures’ anatomy. fair enough.
i must disclose that i do have some sort of rash-infection after conducting this interview. doctors aren’t sure what it is and my insurance expires on the 31st. this, however, is okay. i’m married to the cause.
lastly, i went to coney island to meet with sandy, an inverse mermaid who has the head of a fish and human legs. she was very nice, knowledgable, and has a great sense of humor. while i initially found it somewhat difficult to communicate with her, i was eventually able to understand. i think she made some excellent points.
jules: thank you so much for agreeing to do this interview, sandy.
sandy: glug glug glug!
jules: of course. getting right into it, do you think corporations are to blame for the raising sea levels and overall destruction of the ocean? can you speak to the visual and maybe even emotional damage this has done to you and those you love and care for?
sandy: glug blug blug blug. *splash splash* glug glug. gluuuug glug, glub, blug, blub blub blub. blub blub glug glug? blub. bluuuub blub glug glug glug.
jules: that’s so heartbreaking. i couldn’t agree more. you mentioned netting and unethical fishing practices. do you think you can speak a bit more on how this has lowered the overall quality of life around you?
sandy: glug glub blug glub gluuuuuuub. *gurgle noise* glug blug.
at this point in the interview she became so overwhelmed with emotion that i had to console her with hugs and fish food i had brought with me.
jules: my condolences. i’m so sorry to hear that. clearly this has a direct impact on the life-span of the community members.
sandy: blub blub. glug glug glug blub.
i eventually realized that while trying to save face, she was actually drying out from being out of water for some time. she’s devoted to the cause. we unfortunately had to cut the interview short. i sent her a message in a bottle asking for a continuation, or maybe an follow up statement, so once she eventually gets back to me i’ll add that in.
as you can see, climate change is a detriment to the mermaid community and is hurting, and even killing the mermaids and their loved ones. these are our neighbors. they are directly affected by the harm we’re inflicting on the planet. get an electric vehicle. recycle. start a garden. stop using so much plastic, and for the love of god stop throwing your vapes in the ocean or they’ll eat us. shelley told me so.