so i haven’t been to the dentist in two years. don’t judge! i haven’t been able to get around to it! so sue me!! if it were up to me i probably wouldn’t go because i don’t want to make the time for it but my gums have been bothering me recently and sometimes it hurts to bite down. sometimes i have dreams where my teeth are falling out, which is horrifying, and i don’t want it to become a reality. thus began my search for a new dentist.
why did it take me so long to go to the dentist, you ask? when i was still unemployed having just moved to brooklyn in 2020, i decided to pay for a dental plan instead of paying for insurance. the plan was pretty cheap, which is a slay, but that meant that there was a limited amount of spots to go to. the places i went to were sitcom level insane. the first place had staff that didn’t wear masks and the receptionist told me i shouldn’t have gone to school for acting but should have married a doctor instead. they also lost my x-rays. the second place had a hole in the ceiling with that silver tube shit spilling out and a little girl ran into the exam room while i was getting a cleaning. the guy cleaning my teeth also told me the little black dot on my molar wasn’t a cavity but a little bit of staining and that if i whitened my teeth more then i maybe wouldn’t have that problem. i didn’t like his tone. after that appointment i cancelled my plan, threw out the card, and swore to never go to the dentist again until i had a new insurance.
now i have shitty insurance through the new york marketplace that my job pays for. because it’s considered a government insurance that means a lot of bougie dentists don’t accept it. this is new york, so almost all of the dentists are bougie. i smell classism!!! this week i called over 12 dentists in park slope, williamsburg, and manhattan and they all don’t take what i’ve got. i live right between park slope and sunset park. the further up you go the more gentrified the neighborhood is and the brighter, whiter, and staler the offices look. i got no’s galore when i called them all. tell me how it took me one “dentist sunset park” google search for me to find a dentist that accepts my insurance. now, as we know because i just said it, i went to some overly casual, kind of oddball spots. i didn’t want to get burned again, so i took to the reviews to see if they had their shit together a bit more. here are some of the ones i found:
“The best dentist ever! His staff is excellent! You can tell Mr. Chocolate...um uh I mean Mr. O'Neal knows his dentistry craft! And yes ladies he's a very very handsome man, which is nice on the eyes to look at & yes he does look like a nice piece of chocolate!”
“Love love my dentist mr.chocolatte chris O 'Neil . Not only is he handsome 😂sorry had to add that in there but also one of the greatest dentist I've ever encounterd with to work on my teeth. He's not like some other dentist where he sticks a needle right away in your mouth and starts working on your teeth . He actually gives time for the anastesia to work and never have I felt any pain while he works on my teeth . even when I have done root canals ,one of the most gentleist dr around . I wouldn't trade him for no other.Also love love the staff , very respectful woman , always follow up with u to even remind you about your appointments, .love that they also have a sense of humor . it's always a pleasure seeing these girls and dr. O 'neil . As the girls would call him Mr . chocolatte😂”
first of all, older white women post shit on the internet like no one’s watching. second of all, i’m sorry…… what? mr. chocolate? so he loses his tooth doctor degree because you wanna fuck him? that’s insane. also, bold of you to post on the internet with your face and full name knowing full well that he and his staff can see it. don’t you have to go back eventually? also also, that nickname is insane any way you slice it. if he’s black that’s gross and fetishizing and if he’s not that’s weird and confusing. what’s chocolate about him, then? his brown eyes? for my own peace of mind he fuckin’ better be black, but if that’s the case then i’m also upset for him. also also also, who the fuck are “the girls” calling him mr. chocolate? other women in the waiting room? his staff? if it’s the hygienists in the office that has to be an hr violation. what the hell is happening over there? i can’t wait to see.
call me crazy but i don’t actually need my dentist to be hot. i need him to be nice to me when i tell him i don’t floss. but who knows, maybe they call him mr. chocolate because he offers you chocolate after your exam not because they’re equating his race to food, something we know that white people looooove to do. maybe by offering chocolate to patients it acts as a test to see how much you’ve learned post-exam. maybe he offers extra if you answer some questions after he fills your cavities, as a little treat! i want a troll dentist! i want to solve his riddles three! doctor chocolate is a guy who went to dental school because it was his passion, not something to ogle at! i don’t want to want to fuck my dentist!! and the women on google can’t make me!!!