hey jules!
how to deal with pregnancy anxiety/intrusive thoughts?
– pregnant
hey, you pregnant bitch! too much?
can i be so honest? i’ve been stewing on this question ever since you submitted it. i read it the second i got the email (thank you for being my first submission!) and i have not been able to wrap my brain around what kind of answer to give you. but, i want to help so i’m going to speak to my own experiences that can maybe (hopefully) give you some sense of relief.
i have never been pregnant, don’t want to be right now, but i have had pregnancy scares. i’d say i’ve had about two or three with the most recent one having been a few months ago. in those times i was absolutely petrified for many reasons, but particularly because the thought of raising a child is big, scary, and has absolutely no shape! i can relate to you there. a future for one is already plenty blurry so i can imagine envisioning a future for two is really daunting. the cool thing, though, is that so many people have also gone through this and have seen it through to the other side! which is awesome! there are billions of people in the world, i’m sure the people who birthed them had enough fears to fill an ocean.
i’m no doctor, but i’d venture to say that these thoughts are completely and utterly normal. you are biologically engineered to have concerns and fears during this process. hormones are firing off left and right which are bound to make you a bit nuts. your body is creating new life! your brain is going to do what it can to make you safe, and that likely includes outlandish and terrifying thoughts that can make the emotional part of your brain feel fearful or maybe even inadequate. you’re up for the job queen! your brain and body are probably just trying to protect you and that lil nugget in your gut.
intrusive thoughts aren’t always our own. something that really helps me is getting those thoughts out of my head in a tangible way to see what my actual uneasiness is trying to tell me. i usually talk to myself out loud as if i’m my own friend coming to me for advice or i write them down in a journal to reread back to myself. i do this so that i can see or hear my anxieties and determine if they’re real or just something my brain is telling me because it’s actually worried about something else. a lot of the time these thoughts are inflated because the more they bounce around inside your own head the more they’ll echo and feel bigger. get that shit out!
now, i will say that if your concerns are ones about your physical or mental safety, talk to your doctor, or your therapist (if you don’t have one get one, girl). you’re not paranoid, crazy, or annoying to voice them to a professional. there are also so many books, support groups, and resources for people who are going through what you are right now. even talking to people who have experienced pregnancy may provide some kind of ease. it may help break down some of that stress, too. you don’t have to go through something like this alone. you shouldn’t! i’m happy to know you trust me enough to reach out. that feels like a first step to me!
i once saw a quote that said something along the lines of we have children so we can keep experiencing the world, or something like that and i think that’s a super fulfilling way of thinking about it. you’re bringing life into the world. that life will soon have opinions, needs, and anxieties of its own. the more you figure out how to handle and face your own fears, the easier it will be for you to help your child, but also help you when new ones arise for you. anxious feelings will always exist, you’ll learn to grow and fight your own (and your kid’s) with time.
i wish you a safe and healthy pregnancy. let me know if you want me to crochet you a baby blanket!
thank you for trusting me! i love you!
xo
jules
hey jules! is my new advice column, remember? you can submit your question here! i answer them in the order they’re received <3